Yeah....sadness is starting to overtake me. It's been happening gradually all day. Watching my dad play with the kids has been heartbreaking. I just can't help but think of what they are going to miss. Ansley was doing some gymnastics and I kept thinking that Mimi will never get to see her do any of it. I know that where she is is much better, but I also know how much she wanted to watch these kids grow up. It's hard to put those 2 emotions together. Being glad she is in Heaven, but wanting her here also.
Later in the evening my friend Katie called to tell me that her mom had passed away tonight about 8pm. Thankfully it was just as peaceful as it had been for my mom. I dunno, but somehow that just opened up the floodgates and I was able to really cry like I've been wanting to the past few days. It was theraputic I think, but now I just feel very heavy with sadness. Before Thursday there was a heaviness of stress and worry, and now it's just a heaviness of sadness.
I'm trying to pray tonight, but it's really hard. I'm just praying Romans 8:26 tonight because I just can't do it myself right now..."In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
I know it's ok to be sad...I just know my penchant for wallowing in my misery and I don't want to do that. And there are other emotions I'm feeling to, I just can't quite put into words what they are. I guess I just feel confused and I KNOW God isn't the author of that!
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