I hope it doesn't sound ugly, but I am really ready for the Memorial Service to be over. I feel like there is still just something hanging over my head and I don't like it! I know it was necessary to wait and it's good because it's given us time to get everything ready, but I'm just ready to get back to normal life. Well, normal minus my mom...which isn't exactly normal, but you know what I mean.

I've been really stressed about the service. It's hard for me not to have control over every different aspect of it. However, God is good and the last piece of the puzzle was filled tonight so the stress is pretty much gone thankfully. I'm pretty much done with everything...just a few little last minute things that I have to do.

I'm not sure if it's because I've had so much to concentrate on or what, but I still somehow feel like this hasn't actually happened. I'm really ready to grieve...and I don't feel like that has started that much. I really want to have some days of crying...is that ok? Should I want to cry? I dunno. These are the kinds of things I would normally call her and ask her opinion on. But even now...thinking about the fact that I can't call her - it still doesn't seem real. Is that normal??

My mind just feels so jumbled. My prayer tonight is that God would "unjumble" it...I know He doesn't want that for me.