The Weekend

It was an interesting weekend. I took the kids over to my parents house (I still can't say my "dads house") Friday night to get some things figured out with he and Margaret. It all went really smoothly which was another answer to prayer. THen it happened...when I walked outside to leave it felt like someone had punched me in my gut. It was very cold and someone nearby apparently had a fire because it smelled smoky outside. Well it was just this instantaneous rush of emotions. It just smelled like Christmas at my parents house and I was immediately overcome with sadness. I know I can be melodramatic sometimes, but I did literally have to catch my breath. I couldn't even speak hardly. That feeling followed me home and lasted into the early morning.

Sunday was the 13th - a month since she had died. In some ways it feels like yesterday and in other ways it feels like forever ago. I had thought about it Saturday night, but I think God kept the thought from me so that I could go to church and not be overwhelmed with the thoughts. My sweet sister in law dropped off some sunflowers for me - I'm sure to cheer me up, she never really said :)

That evening we had a car show at our church...here comes the cool part. I had been thinking that this day was probably pretty hard on my dad. Well, by the time I got to my dad I found out he had been having a pretty good time :) Since the mid 1960's it's been a dream of his to just sit in a 427 Shelby Cobra. I should know - I dusted the models of them in his bedroom all the years I lived at home :) Well, there was one at this show and my dad had started talking to the guy. The guy had let him sit in the drivers seat and even let him rev the engine a bit :) He was so excited! I had to go back to what I was doing in the gym and then Danny called and told me to get outside. The guy had taken my dad for a ride!! When they came back he was grinning like a little boy. It was so sweet! I just think it's so cool of God to give a gift like this to my dad on such a poignant day. He is so personal and it makes me feel so loved.

Right now I just feel this deep ache in my gut. I'm asking God to help me remember the last days a little more clearly than I am right now. I think it's time that I start thinking about that and really remembering it so that it will stay in my memory forever. Does that make sense? Because right now it's almost like it never happened because the memories are so pushed down. I really want to relive them and rejoice in them.

The overhwelming feeling I've had tonight was that I just can't believe I'm not going to see her face again in this lifetime. I'm so glad my friend Kristin encouraged me to "drink in her face". :) Because I truly did. I'm so going to miss it though...hey, whatdaya know?? I've got tears in my eyes!