The emotions have definitely started to overflow. I have done a whole lot of crying (and real crying at that) in the past week. Different sources (other blogs, songs, stories) have really brought it up. I'm glad it's happening. I feel like it's finally starting to be real somehow.

On Tuesday I got the chance to go visit one of our students from ILC. I had told my mom about this girl back in the summer when I first met her. She had a baby last week so Sandy, Kristin and I got to go visit. Ansley and Zach came along too. She was in a small, rundown apartment, but the generosity she showed to me was more than most people ever would. We were only there 5 minutes, but when we left she gave both Ansley and Zach one of her own kids toys. At first I didn't know how to react. She doesn't speak much English so it's hard to communicate. I just told her thank you so much and hugged her and she kept saying she loved Ansley and Zach. I was talking with one of the other teachers and she told me it makes them feel so good when they can do something like that for people who are generally "helping" them instead. For whatever reason I had felt an instant connection with this girl back in the summer and I'm so glad I was able to go visit. When I got in the car to leave though there was just this immense heaviness because I so badly wanted to tell my mom what had happened. I know most of my posts seem to end up being about, "I wish I had the ability to tell my mom...", but from what I hear that's not going to go away anytime soon.

The last couple days I've been thinking about how I need to really start concentrating on how grateful I am for the blessings through this process. 2 months ago I was all, "I'm counting it all joy"...and I was at the time, however I kinda lost that when she died. I really want to be there again. We are going to Pensacola tomorrow for the Beth Moore conference and I'm praying for a specific word from The Word!

It's been almost a year since we were told the cancer had come back. At the time we thought she only had a couple months. We got about 10 months instead. I am so grateful for that. When she had that amazing scan back in March showing the cancer was 90% gone it was just crazy! I still never thought everything was going to be fine, but I guess I did think it was going to extend her time more than it did. But now looking back I think God did that so that we could have one last (happy) trip as a family. We went to NJ in April and it was a great time. More memories to add to those that I pray I will never forget.

Ok, right now I'm just kinda overwhelmed with wanting to see her face and hearing her wonderful laugh. That's all for now...