Can't sleep.
Shocking, I know.
Decided it's been a few years since I've read through my blog so why not?
I made it to this one and if you want to really understand what I say next you will have to read this entry. And pay close attention to the reference to the word "perhaps".
The Furnace of Affliction: "Yet for love's sake" Part 2:
Ok, if you've ever had a conversation with me since this weekend in 2011 the possibility of hearing me talk about how the word "perhaps" has kinda changed my life is pretty high. (in fact, it may need to be my next tattoo ;))
So as I'm rereading this blog entry I see something that God had apparently blinded my eyes to until this very moment.
This verse: Philemon 1:15: “For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever,”
For the past 6 years I've thought only about the word "perhaps" and how it has changed my attitide towards life in general because that was Beth emphasised also at the time, I wasn't really even noticing the rest of the words.
There are so many "perhaps [fill in the rest of the statement]" as to why mom was taken when she was. I've tried to come up with some reasons of my own and I think some of them line up spiritually and so I think they could be legitimate, but there could ("perhaps") be so many more. I know we won't really know until we get to heaven, but it kinda excites me to discover what those reasons could be. I think it also gives me some more freedom to not have to nail down reasons for myself. I know we as humans always want to know all the details of why something happened so it can be hard not to have those definites. That's why the "perhaps" word stood out to me so much when it did and still does. But in another freeing way it means that there can be all kinds of other reasons that we may actually get to see some evidence of while here on earth. I dunno, that's just cool to me.
And I'll be honest for all of you who think I'm crazy. I know there is a possibility that none of this means anything and I'm just grasping for straws, but thankfully my Father can use anything-even straw grasping.
But "perhaps" I'm not straw grasping.... :)
